Were a family
by LoriLG
Summary: Emily is left guardian of her 15-year-old goddaughter. Two FBI agents murdered their kids tortured. (Mentions of rape)
1. Chapter 1

"How do you promote world peace? Go home and love your family." Mother Teresa

Addison stood with a man in the suit at the door of the BAU and suddenly felt five again in the federal building half expecting to be led to the day care. Wearing light blue jeans and blue top there was an obvious contrast with the black outfits of the FBI. It wasn't long before she was noticed David Rossi making his way over to her with a massive smile reaching her he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off her feet for a brief moment.

"Hey, Kiddo?" He said placing her down.

"Can't believe how grown you have gotten what age are you now?" he finished.

"15, You haven't aged a bit old man, its weird!" She replied poking his face getting a weird look from three bystanders.

"Addie come meet my team?" Rossi says leading the girl to where some of the team sat staring. "This is JJ, Reid and Morgan." Rossi said as he pointed to the team.

"Hi, im Addison" the girl smiled politely.

"What can the BAU do for you today, is your dad here?" Rossi asked.

"No, he.. I'm here with Agent Prentiss" Addison replied. "She is in there with the crabby looking guy" she pointed to Hotch's office.

"How do you know Emily?" Reid asked.

"This seems too big to be the BAU where's the tiny filing cupboard, sharing a desk with five other agents" Addison teased ignoring the agents question.

"We've come along way" Rossi replied.

"My dad was part of the OG bau" Addison explained to the three bystanders.

"Richard castle" Reid said excitedly.

"Yeah Jason, rick and Rossi, the dream team!" Addie laughed.

"Castle was responsible for the Colin darling case, if he ever gets a chance I'd love to pick his brains for a bit." Reid said.

"You're a little late" Addie said.

"What's going on?" Rossi asked concerned.

"Dad's dead" Addison said calmly.

"What happened?" Rossi asked.

With this Addison walked over to Emily's desk and started playing with the drawers pulling out a picture of herself and Emily and prompting it up on the desk. She couldn't be older than 6 and Emily had longer black hair. Emily had pre warned Addie that she didn't tell her team about her, she hadn't wanted the team to think she had connections to get her this job. With Addison second name she understood, she stared at the door Emily was behind almost willing it to swing open and Emily to come out and save her from the four profilers staring at her from across the room.

"Addison?" Emily called for her as she came down the stairs. "We've got your dad's case!" Emily smiled quietly taking as she leaned on the side of her desk.

"Your working it?" Addison said worried her calm facial expression fading into anxious panic.

"I'm going to find him baby! I promise." Emily said reaching out to Addison and pulled her into her.

"Don't let him kill you!" Addison whispered into Emily's hair.

"Stay here, Hotch and I are going to present the case then I will be back I promise!" Emily replied kissing the young girl on the top of Addison's head.

With that Emily made her way to the agents who had already taken their seats in the conference on the other side of the table as hotch stood at the front.

"Last night FBI agent and ex marine Richard castle was killed in his home in DC while his 15 year old daughter was forced to watch." Hotch explained as pictures appeared on the screen behind him.

"Overkill" JJ pointed out in an obvious tone.

"Its odd someone with this much rage would leave Addison without a scratch" Reid said. "Has she talked about what happened?" He asked.

"To the first responding officers but she wasn't very comprehendible. She wont talk to me about it." Emily said defeated.

"This is one of our own and the director is up our heels to find the unsub and fast, so all cases are on the back burner until we find this guy. Rossi and Emily go over anyone with a possible grudge with Castle check people he put away, unsubs he was after. Morgan and JJ see if you can get through to Addison and me and Reid will go to the crime scene." Hotch said. As the team stood Rossi didn't move this not going unnoticed by the rest of the team as they all filtered out he stared at the crime scene photos.

"Dave." Hotch said breaking Rossi out of his day dream. "If you need some time, we can work this case without you." Hotch finished.

"No, I just need a minute." Rossi said sadly, looking out to the young girl staring into space.

Morgan and JJ made there way to Addison who stared right through them.

"Hi, Addison I'm Derek and this is JJ" he reminded her in a condescending tone as you would a child this only angered her.

"We've got a few questions for you, could you follow me?" Derek asked.

Addison nodded in return, she didn't stand until Morgan was a few steps ahead. As they walked JJ put a comforting hand on Addison's back and leading her to the sofa in Morgans office.

"So Addison lets just get to know each other? and we can talk about yesterday when your ready okay?" Morgan started.

"What age are you?" He asked.

"15" Addison answered.

"Ah freshman?" JJ chimed in.

"No sophomore" Addison answered not looking from her hands on her lap.

"So how do you know Emily?" JJ asked.

"She's my godmother, her and my mom knew each other when Emily first joined the academy." Addison answered.

"Where is your mom?" Morgan asked.

"She died two years ago." Addison answered.

"I'm Sorry." Morgan said with sympathy making Addison obviously uncomfortable.

"Can we just get this over with please?" Addison begged.

"Okay." JJ started "So walk us through what happened."

"We were in the kitchen my dad had just gotten home from work he had just put his gun in the safe and I was making us dinner... then he was behind my dad I didn't notice him come in, he was around 6ft like 6'2, white, big build around 220 and he uh he hit my dad on the back of the head but didn't knock him out so dad fought back and then he injected something into the back of his neck he held a gun to him and then told me to go into the next room... then he..." she trailed off obviously having more to her story, but looking like she was about to throw up.

"Let's take a break" JJ said taking Addison's hand in hers, Addison pulled away quickly.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Addison asked desperate to escape.

"Down the way we came on your left" JJ explained.

Addison walked calmly to the bathroom but in the privacy of the empty room her anger boiled. She threw her phone across the room almost hitting the blonde woman as she walked threw the door Garcia grasped her chest.

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry" Addison said on tears of frustration filling her eyes.

"It's okay, are you okay?" Garcia asked still a bit shaken from almost being hit by the phone.

"Yeah, i'm fine!" Addison lied looking away from the older woman.

"You're Addison?" Garcia said moving to hand the phone back to the young girl. "Im Penelope I work with the BAU." She explained.

"Yeah the computer tech, Emily talks about you" Alex said.

"You okay?" Penelope asked again.

"Just frustrated everyone keeps looking at me like i'm some weak broken puppy its like I can't get away from the sympathy." Addison said truthfully.

"I know how you feel, after my parents died every one kept trying to give me support and sympathy but it doesn't matter unless its coming from the people you really want to give you support and sympathy." Garcia said in her counselling voice. "You know, my parents died too when I was a little older than you. I get how you're feeling. You will get through this" Garcia finished.

"She's hiding something Hotch." Morgan said in Hotch's office where the team stood discussing what they found.

"Her voice was calm and cold when she was describing the guy '6'2 around 220' but she got embarrassed around mid way" JJ added.

"Alright morgan and JJ the medical examiner is ready for us, Emily you try and find out what Addison is hiding Rossi and I will talk to coworkers see if any previous cases fit the description and Reid finnish analysing the crime scene." Hotch said sternly.

Emily watched as Penelope guided a tired teen back to the bullpen, and made her way over to them. The older brunette went to pull Addison into a hug but Addison took a step back.

"I'm going to finish your interview" Emily explained leading the teen away from Garcia who smiled as they walked away her heart breaking for the little girl. But as soon as they were back in Morgan's office Addison's strong resolve broke pulling Emily into a hug, Emily squeezed back as tight as she could wanting to take the hurt away from the young girl so badly.

"What's going to happen to me now?" The young girl asked not pulling away from Emily not that Emily would let her.

"Well the plan was you would come live with me, but if that's not what you want we can figure something else out." Emily explained.

"No I want to be with you." Addison said as she pulled back fixing herself before sitting down on the sofa.

"I'm going to do what is called a cognitive interview." Emily started as she combed her hands through her god daughters hair.

"No" Addison said sternly.

"I know you're scared." Emily began.

"I'm not scared Emily, Violence isn't something new in my life my bed time stories were about FBI agents and serial killers violence I can handle." Addison said strongly. "I should have fought harder, I knew how to get out of this I know what you're supposed to say and where to hit and how to.." she continued her eyes filling with tears of frustration "but I couldn't save him." She finished

"Nobody could have got out of that, i'm going to be here the whole time we will only go as far as you would like." Emily said softly seeing fear in the young brunettes eyes.

"No I'm not scared I remember. I don't need a cognitive interview." Addison said.

"Sometimes we forget details we don't think are important." Emily explained.

"I remember he didn't come through the front door it was through my dad's office, I assume the window, he approached my dad hit him with the but of his gun, they fought, he injected him then placed him prompt up against the island he pointed the gun at him and told me to go into the family room." Addison said as Emily read along with her previous statements.

"Okay, then what happened?" Emily asked looking up to see frustration on the young girls face.

"Please, em" Addison pleaded.

"Addie, everything you tell us can help." Emily said getting down to Addison's level.

After a few moments of silence Addison began again.

"I could hear him beating my dad but something was barricading the door, then he came into the family room and grabbed me and dragged me to the bathroom with him he cleaned the blood off of himself and he took me back into the family room and threw me on the couch I hit my head and felt groggy and then he came over and put his arm around me we sat like that for about a minute then he got on top of me and started kissing me and I bit him so he stopped. He then dragged me by my hair to my dad he was still breathing but he was unconscious, he said if i kissed him it would go quicker and I can help him. We walked back to the sofa this time with the door open and we kissed then he took of my shirt and then my pants. Then he lay on top of me, I felt him take out his Dick and I started to fight but he was stronger than me he held my hands behind me and I couldn't scream because I didn't want my dad to hear" Addison said tears beginning to fall but she wiped them away quickly and before Emily could begin speaking she continued "he.. he raped me... a few times about a half hour and by this time I knew my dad was dead.. when he was finished I didn't move I just lay there naked while he got dressed then he threw me into the shower and with the shower head he cleaned me.. everywhere..." she grimaced "then he made me pee, then he left me there and I guess he went home because when I came out to see my dad he had folded the clothes. Dad was dead so I phoned the police ran upstairs and got changed." Addison quickly finished composing herself.

"Addie" Emily said sympathetically.

"Emily!" Addison said sternly.

"We need to take you to the Hospital" Emily said.

"We can't tell anyone." Addison said firmly.

"I have to tell my team." Emily explained.

"No, you don't" Addison said snarky "I'm a Castle We don't let ourselves get raped." Addison said strongly.

"You didn't 'let' this happen." Emily said.

"Fine. Tell them. I don't care." Addison said angrily.

"Okay, I will fill the team in then we can go to the hospital, then we can get you something to eat and maybe go back to mine to get some sleep?" Emily asked seeing how done the young girl was.

Addison nodded and reached for Emily's hand something she hadn't done since she was very little, Emily took her hand in hers.

They sat in the hospital room Addison's legs in stirrups being tested wanting to scream, it was around an hour before they were finished Emily stood outside with the doctor for what felt like hours to Addison, when she came back in her eyes filled with sympathy. They picked up a Wendy's on the way home and sat with it in front of the T.V.

"It's been so long since we hung out." Emily said trying to start conversation.

"Well the whole you were dead thing really hindered our plans em." Addison teased.

"I'm sorry Addie." Emily said sadly.

"Em, i was kidding I'm glad your okay and really think dad wouldn't have told me you were alive." Addison said.

"He knew." Emily asked confused, but received no reply. "I don't think it will ever cease to amaze me how strong you are." Emily continued. "But You don't have to be strong here you know that right me and you we're a family we don't have to be strong around family." Emily said desperate for the girls to bring down her walls in the day she has seen Addison break down once and barely she had to be breaking inside

"Emily, if I'm not focusing on being strong then I loose all of my control" Addison said not looking up from the food she had been nibbling on.

"It's okay to lose control." Emily said not pushing the girl. Addison yawned it had been over 24 hours since the young girl had slept and was definitely in need of some.

"Let's get you to bed." Emily said picking up the remains of Addison's chicken nugget meal, returning and guiding Addison to her bed. "You okay to share a bed" Emily asked willing to take the couch, Addison nodded, pulling a t-shirt from Emily's dresser and slipping into Emily's bed. Emily did the same and got in beside the girl, Addison didn't say anything but rested her head on Emily's shoulder refusing to think Addison turned of her brain and was asleep in minutes. Emily took this time to cry alone in the silence of the bed room, tears streaming down her face. She had lost one of her best friends, leaving one of the people she loved most in the world so hurt and alone. It had only been about two hours since Addison had fallen asleep when she started screaming jolting up right waking a sleeping Emily beside her.

"Shhh, honey, you're okay?" Emily said rubbing soothing circles on Addison's back. Addison didn't reply she just wrapped her arms around Emily, resting her head on Emily's shoulder as Emily rocked. It was around fifteen minutes of silence for Addison's tears to subside and exhaustion take over again. Emily lay awake for about an hour staring at Addison before falling back into slumber. Around 3am the next morning Emily woke to an all too familiar sound her phone ringing.

"Prentiss" she answered with a whisper.

"Em its Garcia, there's been another murder Hotch wants you in." She said.

"I can come over and stay with Addison" she finished trying to disguise Hotch's insensitive orders in this stressful time.

"Yeah okay pen thank you" she said guiltily releasing the girl's grip from her waist and heading to get dressed opting for dry shampoo over a shower trying not to wake the teen. It wasn't long before the bubbly blonde was in the apartment letting herself in with her key usually only used to feed the cat. Emily heard the familiar sounds of her friend and moved to the bed to wake the teen.

"Hey, Addie." Emily spoke softly.

"I have to go to work, Penelope is down stairs if you need her she will bring you to work when you're ready." Emily explained. Only receiving a tired nod in return

"Thanks for this again pen" Emily said to the agent who had made herself comfy on Emily's couch, receiving only a moan in reply.

"DADDY" Addison yelled waking from a nightmare. Waking a very bewildered agent downstairs. Causing Penelope to jump to her feet running up the stairs of the small apartment to the teen. Running across the room to her.

"Shh Addison you're okay." She cooed softly. "It was just a dream" she finished.

"It was just a dream" Addison whispered in reply. "Could you stay?"Addison asked shyly much like a child.

"Of course I can butter cup." Penelope said now very much awake climbing into bed with the small teen.

"I'm sorry to wake you!" Addison said embarrassed.

"It's not a problem at all it's almost five this is the time I normally wake up." Penelope joked.

"Why aren't you with the team" Addison asked.

"I'm not desperately needed right now." Penelope explained "Plus I worked a 60 hour week last week and the top are getting annoyed." Garcia explained. "How's your phone?" She asked shifting the subject.

"It's broken, better that than constant i'm sorry for your loss texts" she said.

"Not a fan of sympathy are you?" Garcia joked.

"No not really" Addison smiled in return.

"I won't give you any sympathetic looks or tones of voice if you promise to tell me or em or someone on your team when you're needing a little support or your having a bad day. I can guarantee holding it in not talking only makes things worse and more dark." Garcia said a 'I've been there' tone in her voice.

"I can't look at your team again." Addison said her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"You're going to need to get over that sweetie. We're a family, one you're very much a part of now." Penelope said putting an arm over her shoulder.

"They all know." Addison said not meeting Penelope's eyes.

"No one is judging you, no one has the right to. I promise." Garcia explained.

"Do you want to talk about the dream?" She asked not pushing it when the girl shakes her head.

"Im going to be okay, right?" Addison asked.

"I will make sure of it." Penelope said strongly placing a kiss on Addison's head.

"Are we up? Should I make breakfast?" Addison asked.

"Yeah, I guess so." Addison smiled. "Do you think we could go past mine I need some clothes." She said looking at the older woman's face not seeing a tinge of sympathy.

"Let me check with em but yeah if she says it's okay!" Penelope said with a smile staying true to her words.

The pair reached quantico a little after 8, Addison wearing blue jeans and a striped t-shirt her hair brushed and parted and some makeup on looking more like herself than before. She didn't quite manage to make it into the house though Penelope had to go in for her but she figured she'd have to eventually. Penelope was so kind about it she didn't push when Addison concluded that she wouldn't be able to go in.

Addison opted to sit at Emily's office as garcia caught up with the case. Addisons heart sunk as she watched a familiar face leave Rossis office, JJ and Emily close behind consoling a crying women.

"Addie" he cried running to her in a protective but caring force. He hugged her Addison returning his embrace.

"What's wrong what happened?" Addison asked worried.

"He killed dad too" he said sadly.

"No, I'm so sorry." Addison said hugging him again.

"Is there somewhere we could talk?" He asked the girl in a hushed tone desperate to escape the guilt he felt hearing his mother's painful cries.

"Let's head down stairs." Addison said making her way to the stairs, they walked down a flight before sitting down resting their backs against the wall.

"Can I ask what happened?" She asked softly.

"He came into the house and just started beating dad. I came down when I heard my mum scream he locked her in the office then made me play monopoly with him." He said.

"It has to be something to with the FBI." Addison said "both our dads working in FBI can't be a coincidence." Addison finished.

"I cant look at my mom." He said tears in his eyes. Addison had known Louis for the best part of 10 years and never seen him cry. "I've wanted to beat my dad a few times, i know that sounds bad." He said embarrassed "I feel so guilty like I willed this to happen." He said tears now free flowing from his face.

"I get the feeling, we didn't cause this." Addison said trying to convince herself as much as Louis. They sat in silence for a while.

"How did he get you to play monopoly?" She asked.

"He had his gun pointed at dad the whole time." Louis said "I couldn't take him he was massive and Dad was still alive at this point." He finished.

"We should head back." Addison said after realising it had been almost an hour since they escaped.

"Where have you been." Emily said angrily to this Addison only rolled her eyes, she watched as Louis walked over and hugged his mom she waved as they were escorted to a separate room.

"What does this mean?" Addison said turning to the team who were gathered around Reid's desk.

"He's a serial killer." JJ answered.

"Not quite what i meant." Addison laughed, snarky was always how she presented herself to new people if they got passed it then they were in her life forever they just had to wait it out. This got a stern look from Emily as a reply.

"It means he's on a spree a quick one, he is devolving." Rossi explained.

"The murder has a sadistic element too it, raping you and making Louis play with him while your father died. He clearly is aiming to hurt as many people as possible." He furthered.

"But why not hurt ms Stanton?" Addison asked. "Why lock her in the office?" She furthered.

"Control?" Emily said more as a question than an answer. "Knowing she couldn't help would hurt her too."

"Any other connection other than the FBI?" Addison asked.

"Your school." Reid answered.

Addison nodded, walking away understanding it was rude but doing it anyway and settling in Emily's chair.

"She always that snarky?" Morgan asked.

"She's a teen ager." Emily answered "she's never like this with me." She finished sadly.

"Its her I'm strong persona, she does it every time we get together after a long time. Its to make sure we're not going to leave her. When she feels safe she'll let her guard down." Rossi said definitively. Emily felt her heart sink how is it she became so in the dark with her god daughter's life.

A few hours had passed as the team went through cases overlapping with the two victims coming up with a list of suspects going over each step in the murders, Addison going over every case her and her dad had gone through over the years. It was around 7 when Emily emerged unable to find Addison who had wandered off again. But Addison had a plan she called Garcia to come find her she had a few questions she had to ask she followed Garcia directions to her lair and knocked waiting on a reply, Garcia opened the door

As searches ran on her computers.

"I need a quick favour?" Addison asked.

"Can you get into the bauro database, my dad and Stanton were up for a secret promotion about 5 years ago, but someone else got it?" Addison asked as Penelope did her fast work.

"Agent frank libert. But I'm sorry he died in the field three years ago. Good idea though" She said as Addison read his file.

"Thank you." Addison said a determined look on her face. She made a quick walk back to the room where all of the agents minus Prentiss who was frantically searching for the 'missing teen'.

"Addie Emily's looking for you." Rossi said looking up as the teen entered the room.

"Alexander libert." She said facing Rossi ignoring his question.

"His dad, louis dad and my dad were up for the head of the department 5 years ago to lead the leishman case." She explained.

"Yeah but they didn't profile that he was suicidal and he attempted suicide by cop." Morgan said.

"Yeah and libert died in the shootout." Addison explained.

"So why do you think it was his son?" Rossi asked.

"It's something Louis said. Every time, my dad came home injured I wanted to beat the crap out of him for putting himself in danger and almost leaving me, I can only imagine how angry id be if he died in the field. Also I don't think he was trying to hurt us I think he was trying to be friends with us." She said in a very profiler tone of voice.

"He didn't view it as rape but as sex and he only wanted to play with him." Reid agreed.

"Good job kid, now go find Emily we'll look into it." Rossi said.

"There was another guy up for that promotion too." She said before she left the room.

She watched through the window as the team devised a plan. Remembering to look for Emily she turned to see an angry Emily staring at her from across the room.

"Stop wandering." Emily said sternly pulling the teen into her firmly in a contradictory hug.

"Sorry." Addison answered the hug is just what she needed, she hugged tighter tears streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably. Emily didn't notice till she pulled away from her that she was crying leaving a tear stained wet patch on Emily's shirt.

"Sorry." She whispered again.

"Emily grab a vest and meet us in the suvs we've got a break." Hotch said approaching the pair. "Addison may have just solved this case." Hotch said placing a comforting hand on the girls shoulder.

"Go sit with Penelope and stay put." Emily said turning to her friend who was behind her now.

"Be careful." Addison said in reply taking Garcia's outstretched hand. "Co ordinates on your handhelds" Garcia said as they approached the elevator.

The team caught the unsub mid attack Addison's profile leading them straight to the house of the third agent, he admitted his anger towards the agents was due to viewing them as surrogate father. The sound of relief coming from Garcia as she heard they had apprehended the man, was the permission Addison needed to fall asleep on the sofa in Garcia's lair. The team returned a little before an hour later Addison being roused by Penelope as they headed to the elevators to meet the team.

Emily walking straight over to the teen and pulling her into the tightest hug possible. The other team mates scattering to their respective desks to pack up for the night.

"Can we go home now?" Addison asked tiredly.

"Yeah baby, we can go home. Just let me pack up. And I'm going to talk to hotch about taking a week off just till we get settled." Emily said.

"Okay." Addison said the reality becoming all too clear.

Addison sat at Emily's desk as Emily made her way to Hotch's office.

"Hey?" JJ said sitting on the edge of the desk.

"Hey. Sorry about the snarky comment earlier." Addison said smiling.

"You did good today figured that out pretty quickly." JJ said rubbing her hand on Addison's shoulder.

"I can definitely see you in the fbi one day." Morgan said.

"Running the FBI one day." Addison joked.

"You okay?." JJ said as Morgan walked away.

"I think it's just hitting me you know the reality of it." Addison said "but I'm okay." She said trying to backtrack.

"It's hard when you don't have anything to focus on. But you will get through this." JJ said comforting the young girl. "And with this team you don't have to do it alone. We're a family" She finished.

* * *

Trying to find a fanfiction from a while back where Emily gets kidnaped outside of a bar and tortured im pretty sure using a shower, then the team save her. please help.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N sorry for the really long chapters, I start writing and then don't stop.**

 **And sorry for the most likely typos that will ensue, don't have my laptop right now so using word online and its spelling check and predictive text is killing me tried my best to catch them all.**

 **Hope you enjoy this chapter have big plans for this story.**

* * *

 _"You're not okay and that's okay. you are not obliged to be perfectly fine and that's perfectly fine." R.H Sin_

The two days after the case, for the most part, had been spent in Emily's bed, apart from a meeting with Addison's father's lawyer, both brunettes making very little deep conversations but happy in each other's' company. Making their way through the entire Harry Potter series, Addison grieving for her loss and crying intensely at the death of characters on the screen taking comfort in Emily being there often taking her hand or letting her rest on her shoulder. It was at night however that things got extreme Addison was forced to be alone in the silence and reflect on the mess of her life and this set the foundation for the nightmares that followed all of which resulted in Emily's death. But with the week coming to an end and the funeral scheduled for the Sunday. The church and the FBI had taken charge of the funeral however it was agreed at some point the wake would be held at Addison's home. This meant the home had to be cleaned and tidied after the destructive forces that is the crime scene unit. They lay in bed that Friday morning discussing the plan.  
"We are going to have to head to your house and get it ready for the funeral at some point." Emily pointed out cautiously Addison had yet to go back into her house.  
"Tomorrow? Please." Addison said wanting one more day of sadness before she forced herself to compartmentalize.  
"Okay, sounds good," Emily replied not wanting to push the teen.  
"Emily?.." Addison started hesitantly "what's the plan? For us I mean.. where are we going to live?" Addison said as much as she loved sharing a bed with Emily she wanted her own room.  
"I was thinking about buying a house near your neighborhood it's got a big yard and is in a gated community, or if you'd prefer we could live in your house," Emily said  
"No!" Addison said sharply "new house sounds good." Addison said with a smile.  
There was an awkward silence for a while as Addison went back to reply to the many "I'm sorry" messages she had accumulated from her friends.  
"Penelope is going to come round later if that's okay?" Addison said reading of a text breaking the silence.  
"Yeah of course," Emily replied.  
"Should we finally get out of this bed, get ready for the day." Emily said standing.  
"Sure." Addison said sitting up. Addison was still shaken from her dream last night, not having got much sleep. She stayed in bed while Emily retreated to the shower. She didn't want to move from the bed she liked lying there Emily beside her she felt safe and like she would happily live there forever. She lay her head back and exhaustion took over and she was launched into dream land. Emily came out of her very long shower to Addison mumbling her name, she carried on getting ready but the tears that were now streaming down Addison face brought her to Addison's side rubbing circles on her back and holding her hand.  
"You're alright Addie wake up." She said softly shaking the girl. Instantly regretting it when addison woke up with an ear piercing scream. Breathing deeply looking around her, grabbing Emily and pulling her close her head resting on her chest. Her breathing didn't even out and it in fact only got worse as they sat. Emily got in behind Addison, "breathe with me okay." She said taking both the teens hands. "In and out" she encouraged. Addison whose face was red and stained with tears had calmed down enough and her chest began to loosen. "You okay?" Emily asked as she felt the teen relax. Addison shaked her head truthfully too tired to try and prove otherwise. They sat there for a while before Addison phone rang and she pulled away.

"What?" She said rudely.  
"Okay, I'm coming down" she said finishing the call and wiping her eyes.  
"My friends downstairs, can I invite him in?" She asked not looking at Emily who still was worried about the nightmare that had shook the teen only moments ago.  
"Yeah, of course." Emily answered.  
As the teen left the room Emily followed, staying a little back from her.  
Addison opened the door and stood back allowing her friend who carried a box full of goodies in.  
"My mom sent a care package" he laughed placing it down on the kitchen island. And pulling Addison into a strong hug.  
"Hi, I'm will." He said holding out his hand to Emily.  
"Emily." She replied with a smile.  
"You alright kiddo?" He asked looking down at Addison who still had her arms wrapped around his waist.  
"Yeah." She said pulling of him. "You alright." She finished.  
"Yeah, just dropped by to drop this off moms downstairs. She's worried about you so answer her calls!" He said scolding her. "I will call her tonight I promise." Addison said guiltily.  
"Do you need anything from the house." Will asked with a smile hinting to Addison what he meant she caught on.  
"Yes please, I'll grab my keys." She replied walking to grab her keys.  
Emily and Will stood in silence as Emily made herself some coffee. Addison returned with her keys connected a fluffy pom pom and a pink lanyard.  
"Do you know where they are?" Addison asked.  
"Dads bathroom right?" He replied with a sympathetic smile. Addison nodded wishing Emily wasn't there to hear that.  
"You sure you're okay, you look like you haven't slept in days?" He said poking Addison's cheek.  
"Don't look at me like I'm dying." Addison said sternly but with a playful push.  
"I love you" he said as he walked to the door. "Bye Emily." He said as Addison followed.  
"I love you too." addison called out to the older boy.

When she'd watched him make his way down stairs, she returned to Emily. Who was sitting staring at her.  
"What's so important that you couldn't wait till tomorrow to get?" Emily asked curiously.  
"Not really any of your business em." Addison replied rudely, not looking at her opening the box that was left on the counter pulling out a new t-shirt and a pair of shorts. And raking around the box full of treats and pulling out a pack of twizzlers, offering one to Emily.  
"They're cute." Emily said referring to clothes in Addison's hand.  
"Thanks." Addison replied, "I'm going to have a shower."Addison replied.  
"Addie stay with me for a little longer?" Emily said worriedly. "I'm a little worried about earlier," Emily said softly.  
"I'm okay Emily." Addison said emotionless. She wasn't she was anything but okay right now it wasn't the dream it was the panic that ensued after it. Emily just looked at her with pleading eyes. Addison just nodded her hand on her chest tears began to form in her eyes as she sat on the breakfast bar next to Emily.  
"Hey, you alright." She asked placing a hand on the teens back.  
"I feel so out of control," Addison said truthfully.  
"With?" Emily asked great full the teen was finally talking.  
"My body." She said as her cheeks turned red and she lay her head in her hands.  
"What do you mean?" Emily asked getting no response.  
"Have you been sleeping okay?" Emily asked hoping the teen would further their conversation.  
"Yeah." Addison replied with a shaky voice signalling that she was crying but trying to be composed.  
"Addison You used to tell me everything," Emily said sadly realizing the teen was lying.  
 _"you_ used to be around more," Addison replied snidely still not looking up from her hands.  
"I know last year I was MIA but.." Emily started.  
"Em you've been MIA longer than a year." Addison replied angrily. "I'm sorry." She said almost immediately after.  
"It's okay." Emily replied "it's true." She said softly. "But I'm here now. And I'd really like if you would tell me where your heads at?" Emily said Addison nodded her head looking up and turning to be facing Emily her eyes bloodshot.  
"Have you been sleeping okay?" Emily asked again. Addison shook her head.  
"Do you want to tell me what the dream was about?" Emily asked.  
"You," Addison replied  
"Me?" Emily asked realizing she would have to carry this conversation as far as she could.  
"I can't talk about it yet, later," Addison said.  
"Fine." Emily said. "Would you like me to take the sofa tonight tho?" Emily asked worried that it was her presence that was causing the girl trouble.  
"No!" Addison replied fear evident in her voice. "Please don't leave me." She pleaded. Her heart race increasing dramatically her breathing becoming uncontrollable.  
"Addison" Emily said reaching out for Addison "breathe sweetheart." She said pulling Addison to the ground and placing her head between her knees. "You are going to be okay." Emily said "I promise I won't leave." They sat there for a good few minutes but Emily felt her rest her head back onto Emily's shoulder.  
"Sorry." Addison said realising what a state she was in.

"No need to apologise baby." Emily said wanting nothing more than to suck all of the hurt out of her god daughter's life.

"You okay?" Emily asked after silence fell upon them. Addison nodded in response.

"I don't want to talk anymore." Addison said shakily.  
"Okay." Emily said holding the teen tight. "Promise me if you have a nightmare tonight, wake me!" She said softly. Addison only nodded in response.  
They sat on Emily's kitchen floor for a while Addison resting between Emily's legs.

It was around seven when there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it" Addison yelled to Emily who was changing the bed sheets upstairs.  
"Hey, buttercup." Penelope said pulling the teen into a hug in which she returned.  
"Hi, pen." She said to the agent who she had gotten to know quite well over texts the past few days. ..  
"Hi JJ." Addison said with a smile.  
"Hi Addison." JJ said returning the smile.  
"Come in." She said making room for the agents.  
"How are you?" Garcia asked.  
"Fine." Addison answered turning her back to the agent avoiding the 'I know you're not' stare she was receiving from the agent. Emily made her way down the stairs to meet the three, she greeted her friends with a small hug.

"We brought dinner" JJ said gesturing to the bag of chinese food. They made light conversation over dinner in the kitchen, the agents talking about the previous case they had worked on while Emily was gone.

"So Rossi invited the team to his house tomorrow?" Garcia said looking at Addison.

"Sounds fun, that okay Addie?" Emily asked.

"Yeah.. why?" She replied cautiously.

"For dinner and some drinks." Garcia answered. Receiving a nodd in response.

"We're going to head over to Addison's place to get it cleaned up tomorrow so will be a nice reward," Emily said.

"We could help maybe make things go faster?" JJ offered looking over to Addison.

"Yeah, that would be great thanks," Addison replied politely.

"We could also pack up some of your clothes to bring back for you." Emily said.

"Good luck finding your way around that room." Garcia teased.

"Yeah sorry, totally didn't even consider the mess of the room." Addison said red faced.

"It's alright sugar,it is nothing compared to JJ's old apartment " Garcia laughed poking JJs ribs.

"You might want to clean it up before guests come over incase you and your friends want to get away." Emily said sweetly hoping to distract the teen from having to bare the empty crime scene.

"Well considering it's not as bad as my old apartment I can help you Addison." JJ offered catching on to the plan.

"Yeah that sounds good, thank you." Addison replied trying to stay as polite as possible about essentially a stranger being in her room.

Emily was about to discuss details about tomorrow when there was a knock on the door. "It's Will." Addison said standing and making her way to the door. Opening it will pulled the girl into a hug looking up to notice the company. Addison pulled Will into the next room, not giving him a chance to introduce himself.

"Addison, are you okay?" he asked softly.

"No." She replied quietly. "I'm so angry! I didn't think it was possible to be this angry." Addison explained.

"Maybe I should give these to Emily." He said gesturing to the pills and inhaler he had in a brown bag.

"I am not a child!" Addison said loudly anger evident in her voice, causing the older ladies to pay attention to the conversation in the next room.

"I am not saying that!" Will replied. "I just think that you're not in the right headset to know what you need and these pills can be…" will explained himself.

"I'm not going to kill myself." She shouted spitefully. "Unlike some people, I'm actually strong enough to try and fight my battle." She roared at her best friend who looked like Addison had stepped over the line.

"Fine what ever Addison!" He yelled back "I think the word your looking for is Thank you!" He said beginning to storm out. Following behind him reaching the kitchen to see the three women looking on with shocked faces.

"FUCK YOU!" Addison yelled back as the reached the door.

"Addison" Emily scolded, being obviously ignored.

"Yeah you're right Addie your not a child!" He said with a sarcastic huff, as he walked out the silently awkward apartment.

It took a moment of Addison staring at the door hoping he would come back, to realize he wasn't and compose herself.

"You okay?" Emily asked breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I think I'm just going to head to bed." She said calmly her face red with both anger and embarrassment. "if that's okay?" Addison asked.

"Yeah, of course, I'll be up in a couple of hours," Emily said receiving a small nod.

"Bye pen." Addison said walking over to Penelope pulling her into a hug, "thank you for dinner." She finished.

"Bye JJ, thank you," Addison said moving on to the next agent pulling her into a hug. "Your welcome sweet heart I'll see you tomorrow," JJ replied hugging the teen back.

"I will walk you up?" Penelope said getting a nod from the teen that it was okay for her to follow.

"What was that about?" Penelope said as Addison climbed into Emily's bed.

"Nothing." Addison lied.

"I'm pretty good at keeping a secret, " Penelope said pushing the teen over to make room for herself."I'm an awful person, " Addison said as Penelope pulled her into her.

"No, you are not," Penelope said.

"How can you say that you have known me for less than a week." Addison said, and i haven't exactly been the nicest." Addison finished shamefully.

"I'm a pretty good judge of character, I work with profilers after all," Penelope said in a comforting tone. "You're angry! You are allowed to be!" She finished. "He will understand, and forgive you!" Garcia said.

"I know he will. That's the problem! He shouldn't have to." Addison answered tears stinging her eyes. "I just feel like my entire body is itching to hurt someone like if I can make someone else sad I won't feel as bad," Addison said tears running down her face at her confession. "That's not normal," Addison said before Garcia could respond.

"Actually it is, sweetheart," Penelope said pulling the young brunette into a hug, kissing the top of her head.

"How is it going then?" JJ asked Emily as Addison and Penelope made there way up the stairs.

"Okay, I guess." Emily started "the past two days have been fine we just lay in bed. Then this morning she just broke down. Woke up screaming my name and it took me almost ten minutes to get her to breathe smoothly again and then less than a half hour later she fell apart and had another panic attack." Emily said feeling slightly guilty about talking about Addison like that. "She doesn't talk to me. I don't know how to help her." Emily admitted. Before JJ could begin there was a soft knock at the door. Both agents looked at each other with confused faces as Emily made her way to the door.

"Will, hi." Emily said welcoming the boy into the house.

"Sorry to bother you.. again." He said politely "but this is for Addison. The ones with the blue sticker are for before triggers and the inhaler is to help calm panic attacks. And the ones with the pink sticker is to help her sleep but there pretty strong and should only be taken in worse cases and she has been known to use them to sleep for two or three days." He explained handing over the brown paper bag.

"Thank you will. Your a good friend." Emily said with a sympathetic smile. "And I'm sure Addison didn't mean what she said." Emily finished.

"I know. Good night." Will said dying to escape the apartment before Addison had known what he had done.

It was barely an hour before the two agents had left and Emily had cleared the kitchen deciding to follow Addison to bed her worry for the teen only increasing. She crept into the dark bedroom trying her best not to disturb the teen, stubbing her two as she fumbled trying to get ready for bed in the pitch black room. "Ow." She says through gritted teeth.

"Emily?" Addison sits up fear and worry in her face "are you okay?" She asks flicking on the light.

"Yeah of course I am, sorry to wake you." Emily said climbing into bed.

"You didn't." Addison replied lying back down.

"Right! Talk!" Emily said lying down to be face to face with the girl.

"Didn't Penelope talk to you?" Addison asked.

"No, why?" Emily asked

"Nothing." Addison replied making a mental note to thank Penelope.

"Do you want to talk about will?" Emily asked.

"There's not much to say, sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your friends." Addison said hoping the conversation wouldn't end there.

"It's okay. They're family they just want to help." Emily said with a smile.

"He was just trying to be nice." Addison said softly "he was doing me a favor and I couldn't say thank you but he made me feel like such a child." Addison finished.

"How did he make you feel like a child?" Emily continued.

"I have… this thing.. where I sometimes very rarely despite what today will tell you where I have panic attacks and I have really good medication that works but he doesn't trust me." Addison explained clearly embarrassed.

"Why doesn't he trust you?" Emily asked knowing the answer but needing confirmation.

"Just after you 'died.' Dad was working a lot and I had a lot of pressure with school and extracurriculars that I was so tired so I took them a lot and then I stopped feeling anything for a bit, and then it got really worse and I took a lot of the sleeping pills too and was asleep for three days." Addison said embarrassed.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there Addie." Emily said taking her god daughter's hand.

"It's okay nobody was." Addison replied calmly, breaking Emily's heart.

"I have got your medication, will droped it off" Emily began seeing Addison's tired eyes filled with hope. "Im going to hold on to them." Emily continued Addison's face turned to sad anger. "It's not that I don't trust you addison I do but you are grieving and I know what that does to your mind. But if you need one you just have to ask." Emily finished.

"I can't sleep." Addison said with a shaky voice. "I'm trying but it only lasts a few hours a night and nothing works but I don't think if I start taking them again I can stop." Addison said tears streaming down her face.

"Why can't you sleep?" Emily asked.

"I am so scared." Addison replied not looking up at Emily. "I have never been this scared before." Addison continued "i have never been _this_ week before." The confession broke the dam and Addison now had free flowing tears Emily wrapped her arms around her pulling her on her lap as Addison sobbed.

"Shhhh." Emily coed as Addison lay her head down on the crooke of Emily's neck. After a while the shaking stopped and an embarrassed Addison climbed off.

"It's normal after what you went through to be scared." Emily began. "You are not weak!" She finnished tilting Addisons face to ensure eye contact.

"What are you dreaming about?" Emily asked after a while of Addison playing with her hair.

"You keep dying." Addison admitted. "You're fine and we're talking then I touch your hand or I hug you and you just die." Addison said the tears coming back. "I'm sorry, I can't stop." Addison said referring to the tears.

"Its okay. And I promise you! I will not leave you and I am NOT going to die anytime soon." Emily said trying hard to hold back her own tears."close your eyes." She whispered "I will be here when you wake up!" Emily said placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

An hour past and both Emily and Addison lay awake in each others embrace.

"Emily?" Addison whispered making sure Emily was awake.

"Yeah baby?" Emily replied running her hand over addison's hair.

"Could I have one of my sleeping pills?" Addison asked cautiously defeated.

"Why honey?" Emily asked hearing it in Addison's voice that she wasn't sure.

"I just want to sleep without waking up feeling like i'm dying." Addison said looking away from Emily's worried eyes.


End file.
